Day 2 Wednesday 20 April 2016

eWoe, gosh, calories add-up so quickly! My promise to you is I will get through this day under 1200 calories, and I will no matter what. It’s 6.20am with only 450 calories to go! What is that? An egg and egg-whites with 2 cups veg. tblspn of peanut butter with veg. maybe a small banana and some berries in there? A coffee with a splash of almond milk. Do I have enough for a square of dark chocolate? I have promised to keep under 1200 calories for two months no matter what, and regardless of anything. Right now, I am a little worried about how I will make it to 12am, but I know I will. I can. I will! I am!

7:45am: Well, it is getting quite difficult and it is only day two!

So, I have only two hundred calories to go.  I have to make it last until 12am no matter what.  I was at work from 12am to now, and I have already eaten nearly 1000 calories worth.  What am I going to do?

OK;  So an egg is about 80 cals, add egg-whites, about 1-2 cups of vegetables and 1/2 to 1 cup of berries after I wake-up.  That ought to last me a few hours.  I can have coffee, green tea, lettuce, water.

You’ve got to love yourself first.

Below: I am not sure why I have put this vide0-song here, I don’t usually listen to it, and I have not seen the video before.  I was weighing-up whether I should or not.   No horse belongs cooped-up in an urban area with all the dangers around it presents, though horses have a calming effect on people.  I once knew an ambulance driver who was also an ex-military man.  He worked with horses because it calmed his PTSD.  However, these horses do not look happy.  They need to be treated right, not frothing at the mouth or tied-up so tightly they start clawing on the ground.  Anyway, this is what I was thinking while sitting here watching this video.  So, this really is just random… and that’s okay.  There’s nothing like a bit of difference to wipe the boredom off the surface.  However, without thinking about it too much, then it is just a nice song.  🙂 And one to take my mind off the fact I only have 200 calories to go.  Anyway, I can feel the love.  I am loving myself and the world when I stay under 1200 calories.  Got to laugh at oneself once in a while.

8:33am – You know something?  This is really difficult.  I’ve got saliva glands and a body telling me “Freakin eat something: all you need is…” but no, I need to stop those thoughts in their tracks.  I need water.  The most difficult thing for me to do right now is to drink water.  I am quite tired.  Also, though I might have some natural dietary fibre just to fill-up a bit.  I think, maybe I can just have a tiny bit… like just one berry or just a couple of berries and then I will eat them slowly… or just nibble on a bit of chocolate… NO NO NO.  This is self-defeating behavior when one needs to stay under 1200 calories (my gosh, look at me, it’s only day two and I am writing like I have been stuck on a deserted island for years and years and years).  It’s better, for me, to not eat anything rather than eat just a tiny bit or a “nibble” here and there because a nibble turns into more than just a nibble, and a little bit always turns into more than a little bit.  A few moments just “nibbling” or having “just a little bit” easily, very, very, very easily can blow-out the 1200 calorie limit I have set myself for the next two weeks.  It is much better to save the calories I do have left for when I really am hungry/need to eat.  It is so important to me right now to do this.  I want to, I need to, prove to myself I can do this.  I want to.  I am stronger than what I think I am and I can get through this day and every single day for the next sixty days!  🙂

“this time I’m gonna be stronger, I’m not giving in…”

Summer… reminds me of when I was a teenager, going to the surf beach after school

Coldplay below this video (I could not type this under the song by Sigma :  this is pretty amazing, the colours are also inspirational.

UPDATE, 2pm.  This 1200calorie diet is easier said than done.  I got to about 1pm and I just had to eat something.  So I kind of picked because I wanted to eat the least amount of food as I possibly could while also trying to satisfy my craving and full me up a bit.   However I may have eaten more than 1200 calories.  In fact, I am pretty sure.

So, I ate something like this:  Soup made with broth, green beans and a couple of mushrooms.  Then I ate about a tablespoon total of coconut oil (I can not be certain exactly because I was eating it from the jar in tiny nibbles and mixing it with rapidloss chocolate powder (which is quite yum).  However, the hunger was still there, so I ate a 3 egg-white omelette.  I was still hungry, so I ate another omelette with one egg and two egg-whites.  I was still feeling peckish, so I ate some frozen blueberries from the bag (about 1/2 to 1 cup total in the end).  I still felt unsatisfied, so I mixed some of the blueberries with a couple of tablespoons of oats with about 1/4 to 1/2 cup of Almond milk.

I have no idea how many extra calories that is, but it is more than the 200 I had left.

Ok, I have just tallied it up on Myfitnesspal.com, and I ate about 500 calories and it seriously does not feel like it at all. This needs to change. Some people do not count their vegetables as calories, however I think too many vegetables can be a disservice.   So, to keep it balanced and in-check, I will count vegetable calories.

Total for the day so far is: 1532. This is still not so bad. I mean, seriously, this is about how much I need to eat each day to maintain my weight. So, whether I exercise or not, I will stay the same weight if I eat no more today. Likely I will only sleep today anyway.  Also, for a few days I was eating about this much (more or less) every day while exercising. Though there were also a couple of 2000 calorie plus days (remember though, some days I was doing between 2-4 hours of exercise just to try and get into a calorie deficit and burn it all off).

It seems that no matter what I do, whether I try and lower the calories or increase the exercise, it is like my body has a programmed internal alert system which fights against fat burning.   Or is it my mind sabotaging my efforts? Honestly, I had only gulped down one litre of water, I could have drank more water before I ate.

So, how do I stop this from happening again?  Drink more water is the obvious choice. However, to better control my portion sizes, and know exactly what and how much I am eating, I need to plan what I am going to eat, and have it all prepared, and no matter what, do not eat more than what I have prepared. This is going to take a lot of time, effort, preparation and planning. I can do this.

 

 

However, my goal was to stay under 1200 calories, no matter what, and regardless. This was the promise I made, and I could not keep it, not even to myself. I need to think again before I make such a commitment so soon.

5 Evening Primrose Oil capsules, 1tspn Magnesium, 2 tblspns potato starch, 1 tspn fibre sprinkles.

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I am so tired today, I did not sleep after work and it is now about 3pm, so likely I will sleep until tomorrow.  Without work tonight, hopefully I can manage to get to the gym as soon as I wake up.

I also need to do some grocery shopping because I am running low on food. I will grocery shop early tomorrow morning, then prepare some meals. I am so tired. I have spent so much time on this blog, maybe too much time? I just want to be at my goal right now, and have the life and all the things I want now.

I think if I keep these calories too low at the moment, then I could binge, which is what I think my body was trying to do before. Add lack of water, and feeling tired to the mix, then I am glad I stopped myself before it got worse. So, although my goal this month is to get down to an easy 1200 calorie per day meal plan, I am going to set my current goal at 1400 calories every day for the next two weeks. Otherwise my body is just going to try and binge like before, and it really did start to feel like an uncontrollable urge, as though my body ‘NEEDED’ the food, but in reality did not. It probably just thought I was trying to starve it. I am not, I am just wanting to get rid of the extra fat my body does not need.

I am just being sensible about it. Although, I did try and set myself a 1600 calorie limit the other day, and instead I just ate about 500 calories extra!   Maybe I need to set myself a limit, like 700 calories per day, that way I can binge on an extra 500 calories and still remain under 1200 calories… hey, whatever works 😉   I am so confused. I just want to keep it simple and stay under 1200 calories. This is so simple and it works! The only problem is that, like before as I have just proven many times before, is that my body gets an uncontrollable urge to binge.  Okay, so I am going to try and trick myself… starting from tomorrow, I am going to keep under 700 calories and if I eat an extra 500 calories, then that is okay, I will still be under 1200 calories. Maybe this will work. I am doing this for 8 weeks, so I am trying whatever I can to try and shed one kilogram every week. The only problem is whatever I eat less and I end up with no or low energy? The balance is difficult. I will try this trick for a couple of days and see if it works.

Or even if I don’t eat nearly as much as 1200 calories one day, then (if it is needed) I can save and eat the extra amount on another day. I just will not carry-over the extra calories into the next week. So, it is like I am eating about the same amount of calories 8,400 per week.

So, maybe I will try this:

“I will eat the least amount as I can today and save the rest for another day this week”

I will also record the calories I eat accurately.  I mean, even if I do manage to eat a couple of hundred calories less, then that still adds up. Even 50 calories less can add up to a chocolate cake splurge at the end of the week.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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